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Jokes
Apr 12, 2006 20:24:17 GMT -5
Post by SLA¥ΣR on Apr 12, 2006 20:24:17 GMT -5
I honestly couldn't find the thread Ztrl made for jokes so I just had to make my own...these are some pretty funny jokes I found: George Bush, Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld are flying on Air Force One. The President looks at the Vice President, chuckles, and says, "You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out the window right now and make somebody very happy." The Vice President shrugs and says, "Well, I could throw 10 $100 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy." Not to be outdone, the Secretary of Defense says, "Of course, then, I could throw 100 $10 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy." The pilot rolls his eyes and says to his co-pilot, "Such arrogant asses back there. Hell, I could throw the three of them out the window and make 56 million people unbelievably happy." There's way more where that came from. Amen brother, Amen.
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Jokes
Apr 13, 2006 11:00:15 GMT -5
Post by Sonic on Apr 13, 2006 11:00:15 GMT -5
You guys all got some pretty nice jokes lol...but come on Ztrl! You can do better than that!! XD
Okok here's one that a friend told me not too long ago...
There's three guys. They're all on a ship, when all of a sudden the weather gets nasty and a huge storm brews. The three guys all get shipwrecked and land on a deserted island. When they gain consciousness, they realize that they're surrounded by a bunch of natives from the land. (Who miraculously speak English.XD) The chief says "Hey you three! You aren't welcome on our island! You're trespassing! I should kill all three of you right now, but I'll give you a chance." He points at the first guy. "You! If you can shove 5 bananas up your ass without laughing, then you will live!" So the guy goes and gets 5 bananas and starts shoving them up his ass. 1...2...3...4...but then he bursts out laughing. "Kill him!" The chief demands, and so the natives kill the guy. The chief points at the next guy. "It's your turn now! Take these 5 cherries and shove them up your ass, and if you laugh, you die." So the guy starts shoving the cherries in. 1...2...3...4...and he starts cracking up as well. "Kill him too!" orders the chief. They do. Up in heaven, the banana guy says to the cherry guy, "Why'd you laugh? Cherries are so easy!" And the cherry guy says, "I couldn't help but laugh when I saw the next guy carrying watermelons."
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Jokes
Apr 13, 2006 11:18:04 GMT -5
Post by HZ on Apr 13, 2006 11:18:04 GMT -5
jeez...that cheif must hate that third guy. XD Awesome joke!
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Jokes
Apr 13, 2006 12:33:52 GMT -5
Post by Ruinaru on Apr 13, 2006 12:33:52 GMT -5
A dog walks into an old-west saloon. His paw is all bandaged up, you can see some blood stains on the cloth. As the doors swing shut behind him, all activity in the saloon stops. Can-can dancers stop dancing, the piano stops playing, and everyone turns to look. "I'm looking for the guy who shot my paw," he shouts.
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Jokes
Apr 13, 2006 12:38:20 GMT -5
Post by Nightmare on Apr 13, 2006 12:38:20 GMT -5
uhh, hehe, pretty good.
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swimstud600
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Jokes
Apr 13, 2006 13:39:24 GMT -5
Post by swimstud600 on Apr 13, 2006 13:39:24 GMT -5
Those were ok. I'd heard Sonic's before, its pretty widely known around here.
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Jokes
Apr 13, 2006 15:57:58 GMT -5
Post by RELLIK on Apr 13, 2006 15:57:58 GMT -5
well since this is all i know: "wher does frosty stash his money?" A: in the snowbank.
pretty pathetic hey.
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Jokes
Apr 13, 2006 19:21:47 GMT -5
Post by Ztrl on Apr 13, 2006 19:21:47 GMT -5
time for my famous plays on words!
war does not determine who is right...war determines who is left.
a man who stands infront of car gets tired.
where as a man who stands behind car gets exausted.
foolish man gives wife grand piano...wise man give wife upright organ.
if someone scares you half to death, what happens when it happens again later on?
once you figure out the hidden meanings, laugh away my friends
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Jokes
Apr 13, 2006 20:18:22 GMT -5
Post by SLA¥ΣR on Apr 13, 2006 20:18:22 GMT -5
Okay, total rip off joke:
Why do women have boobs? So ya got something to look at while your talkin too 'em!
(dead silence)
So ya got something to look at while your talkin too 'em!
(dead silence)
So ya got---- You wanted to see me NMMZ--- for what? sexual harrasment, all I said was "Why do women have boobs? So ya"----BAN
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swimstud600
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Jokes
Apr 15, 2006 13:46:47 GMT -5
Post by swimstud600 on Apr 15, 2006 13:46:47 GMT -5
That was a good episode of family guy
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Jokes
Apr 15, 2006 18:22:28 GMT -5
Post by Xero Bloodline on Apr 15, 2006 18:22:28 GMT -5
A blonde accidentally starts a fire in her house. (its a blonde, do I really have to explain how?) She calls the fire department, says, "Help! my house is on fire!!" The fireman says, "Calm down, ma'am, how do we get to your house?" The blonde says, "Duh, big red truck!!"
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Jokes
Apr 17, 2006 10:12:13 GMT -5
Post by Sonic on Apr 17, 2006 10:12:13 GMT -5
haha well since we're on the blonde subject here:
Blonde in a boat. There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field. She was in a boat rowing, with no water in sight. The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, “What do you think you're doing? It's things like this that give us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your ass!”
Le Parfumerie y le Blonde One day two blondes walk into a perfume shop. The one blonde picks up a bottle of perfume that is titled "Viens Chez Moi." The blonde asks the manager what it means, and the manager says it means, "Come to Me."
So the blonde smells the perfume and asks her friend, "Does this smell like come to you? Because it doesn't smell like come to me."
And this is why brunettes are smarter than blondes. (And just overall better in my opinion)
Brunette Meets Genie A brunette is walking through the country, when she finds a bottle. She rubs it and, you guessed it, a genie appears. The genie says, "You are allowed three wishes. But, I must warn you, anything you get, all the blondes in the world get twice as much."
The woman says, "Okay. Give me a nice house."
The genie replies, "You now have one nice house and all the blondes in the world have two."
The the lady says, "Give me a gorgeous man."
The genie replies, "You now have one gorgeous man, while all the blondes have two."
The lady says, "For my last wish, Genie, see that stick over there? Beat me half to death with it."
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swimstud600
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Jokes
Apr 17, 2006 17:26:30 GMT -5
Post by swimstud600 on Apr 17, 2006 17:26:30 GMT -5
My gf's a dirty blonde but a blonde nontheless. I'll have to share those with her.
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Apr 17, 2006 23:23:22 GMT -5
Post by Ztrl on Apr 17, 2006 23:23:22 GMT -5
and it's been nice knowing you....
oh and can i have your x box when you die?
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Apr 18, 2006 11:23:09 GMT -5
Post by Sonic on Apr 18, 2006 11:23:09 GMT -5
lmao I have nothing against blondes guys, my sister is also dirty blonde, so it's great sharing these with her. But I dunno, I just like brunettes better, I dunno why.
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