The Men's Room Rules

[Captain SpExtacular]

Article I - Bathroom Etiquette:

Section 1: No excessive or undue conversation in the restroom.

Section 2: Keep eyes forward whenever possible. (John in the NAVY)

Section 3: Always close the stall door, even when going #1 (Charles in Lacey)

Section 4: If you have an option, never use the urinal / Stall right next to a man who is already underway. (Justin in Puyallup)

Section 5: No phone conversations in a public restroom. (Greg in Marysville)
• Subsection A: Camera phone pictures are permitted.

Section 6: No man should ever take longer then 10 seconds looking in the mirror in a public bathroom. (Brandon in Fresno)

Section 7: If you need to change in a public bathroom use the stall, and close the door. (El-Higgones in Marysville)

Section 8: At no point should a man be laying around naked when there are only other men in the area, like in the locker room or sauna. (Ryno)

Section 9: Don't touch a man while he is already "Underway" (Thee Ted Smith)

Section 10: No man shall drop his pants and underwear to the ground while taking a leak. (Dan and Ryno in Marysville)

Section 11: If you must destroy a Men’s Room, keep the fan on when you leave. (Rob in Pacific)

Section 12: If you leave behind your DNA, YOU clean it up. (Dave in Everett)

Section 13: Never shave naked in a gym bathroom. (Vicente)

Section 14: Never drop a #2 in a club except in an emergency (Charles in Lacey)

Section 15: When at someone else's house, and needing to drop a duce, always use the furthest bathroom from the
general population (Steve “The Thrill” Hill)

Section 16: No man shall have a decorative / fuzzy toilet seat (Cleveland)

[Captain SpExtacular]

Article II - Booze Etiquette:

Section 1: If you bring beer to a party, you must drink your beer first before drinking anyone else's....unless otherwise permitted by the host.

Section 2: If you bring beer to a party and need to leave, the beer stays there.

Section 3: If you open a beer you must finish it, never leave a "Wounded soldier" (Paul in Mt Lake Terrace)

Section 4: if you are at someone’s house you must ask for a beer, you can never just take one.

Section5: The last beer will always be reserved for the man who originally purchased said alcohol. If someone consumes the last beer and is not the original purchaser, that person becomes solely responsible to replenish the reserves. (Rodney in Spanaway)

Section 6: If a man gets up to grab a beer, he is obliged to get one for any friends who are in need. (J.D)

Section 7: Never drive drunk or let a friend drive drunk. (Kyle in Seattle)

Section 8: You can't narc out a buddy for showing up to work hungover. You can however harass him as much as possible. (Felix in Seattle)

Section 9: In a bar or club, the guy with the drinks has the right of way. (Russ in Tacoma)

Section 10: Never relocate another mans beer. (B. KIng)

Section 11: No frozen concoctions at a sporting event, pregame or postgame. (Thee Ted Smith)

[Captain SpExtacular]

Article III - Personal Boundaries:

Section 1: No man shall ever use another mans Chap Stick

Section 2: Two men should never ride on the same step of an escalator at the same time. (Ron in Seattle)

Section 3: No man shall massage another man unless professionally certified to do so. (Stephen)

Section 4: No man shall ever sit on another mans lap. (Jay in Edmonds)

Section 5: When using a carousel door, only one man per cell. (Jeremy from Burlington)

Section 6: No two men in a hot tub should sit next to one another unless all four sides are already taken. (Nick in
Godknowswhere)

Section 7: No man should ever tickle another man (Dan)

Section 8: No man should touch the small of another man’s back! Especially to get by in a crowded bar. (Chris in Milton)

Section 9: No man shall ever sit in the seat directly next to another man at a movie theatre, unless there are no other seats available, or he is in a mixed sex party (James In Olympia)

Section 10: Never touch another mans hair and comment on it...its creepy. (Paul from Fedtown)

Section 11: Never grab something out of another mans pocket (Bennett from Renton)

Section 12: No man shall ever use another mans toothbrush. (F'n Stephen)

Section 13: A man should never ask for details from another man regarding personal matters like divorce. If he wants you to know he will tell you. (Eric in Maple Valley)

Section 14: Hand Shake etiquette: (Shaun)
• Subsection A: Grip must be firm but not overpowering, using the entire RIGHT hand.
• Subsection B: No finger gripping.
• Subsection C: Look the man square in the eye.
• Subsection D: Shake will not to last longer then 3 seconds.
• Subsection E: Do not place left hand on top of the handshake, unless making a pact with three (3) or more people.

Section 15: Guidelines for the Man hug (Alex in Redmond)
• Subsection A: No back rubbing.
• Subsection B: No resting of the chin on his shoulder.
• Subsection C: No sighing, crying, closing of the eyes, or speaking.
• Subsection D: Shall not last longer then 2 seconds.

Section 16: Under no circumstances should a man give another man a piggy back ride. Unless said piggy backer was injured doing something manly (Jesse in Olympia)

[Captain SpExtacular]

Article IV - You're a man god damnit, ACT LIKE IT:

Section 1: No man should ever speak badly about bacon or sex. (Eric)

Section 2: Never watch the movie "The Notebook" (Bradley)

Section 3: No man shall ever be required to buy another man a birthday gift. In fact, even remembering you're buddies birthday is strictly optional. (Morgan)

Section 4: If a man borrows another mans tools, he must return them in the same shape that he received them. If the tool is damaged, the borrower is responsible for replacing said tool. (The Norwegian)

Section 5: Never dress to match your girlfriend or wife. (Jim C)

Section 6: Two men should never walk down the street under the same umbrella. (Modified form every list of rules that "guys should follow" circulating on the web right now)

Section 7: Never let a woman order for you in a restaurant. (Kyle in Seattle)

Section 8: No man should ever ride bitch on another man's motorcycle. (Tom "The Cable Guy" in Graham)

Section 9: Under no circumstances is any man allowed to send an emoticon ;-) =) :-p etc. to another man. (Mad Hooper)

Section 10: No man shall ever feed or be fed by another man, unless the recipient of said feeding is physically or mentally handicapped, or otherwise restricted in any way that prevents feeding oneself. (Brad in Olympia)

Section 11: There is no reason for a man to watch men's figure skating or men's gymnastics. EVER. (Steve)

Section 12: No man shall have any kind of fuzzy decoration on, or in, his car. (Alex in Redmond)

Section 13: Unless in the entertainment industry, no man shall wear makeup

Section 14: No man should take longer to get ready then his wife/girlfriend. (Aaron in Lacey)

Section 15: Never be a part of a candle party. (Robert somewhere)

Section 16: Never share a desert with another man (Tony V)

Section 17:Don't skip, ever. (Derek in Sumner)

Section 18: Never write in pink. (Jeff)

Section 19: The list of words that no man shall EVER use.
• Subsection A: List
1. Garment
2. Periwinkle
3. Supple
4. Duvet (James in Renton)
5. Precious
6. Fabulous *Under review for comedic value
7. Adore
8. Lavender (Scott)
9. Mommy (Whopper
10. Daddy (Whopper
11. The term “BFF” (Best Friends Forever)
12. To Die for (Anthony)
13. Bye Bye (Stoney)
14. Delish (Ed)
15. Décor (Brad in Bellingham)
16. Ciao` (Sounds like “CHOW”) The term “Chow” is allowed when speaking about the food or the dog breed (Ken in Spanaway)
17. XOXOXOXO (Aaron)

Section 20: Things no man should have
• Subsection A: List
1. Decorative soap.
2. Decorative toilet seat
3. Anything Cher, Barbra Streisand, or Celine Dion.
4. A diary.
5. A collection of chick flicks.
6. Body waxing supplies.
7. A collection past girlfriend’s panties.

Section 21: Things all men should have
• Subsection A: List
1. Your favorite pizza joint on speed dial
2. Lighter
3. Porn
4. Belt
5. Tools. At least a flat head and Phillips head screw driver, as well as a crescent wrench.

Section 22: If you have a son, teach him how to play sports. (Michael in Lakewood)

Section 23: No man shall blame another for their gas, man up and be proud. (Bjorn)

Section 24: No man shall ever attend or be a part of a "shower" (Baby, wedding, etc) (Bjorn)

Section 25: When in a group of men, don't expose your junk. (Slowmo in Ft. Lewis)

Section 26: No man to man back rubs. (Trent)

Section 27: Never buy a Volkswagen Cabriolet or Mazda Miata (Brad in Bellingham)

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Article V - Crimes of Fashion:


Section 1: A man must never wear a Speedo in public. The exceptions are water polo players, secret agents, and dudes who are tough enough to kick everyone's ass. (Felix in Seattle)

Section 2: No man shall complement another mans entire wardrobe, only on individual items of clothing. (Kevin from Everett)

Section 3: No man shall ever use a hairdryer (Brad in Olympia)

Section 4: Men should never wear Crocs under any circumstances. (David from Mill Creek)

Section 5: Under no circumstances should a man wear another mans boxers and or underwear, ever. (Mr Joshington)

Section 6: No man shall point out another man’s fly is down unless it will embarrass him. (Scott in Federal Way)

Section 7: Belts come in two colors, brown and black. (Brennan in Everett)

Section 8: No man shall ever wear Capri's or clam diggers. (Scott)

[Captain SpExtacular]

Article VI - Situational Rules:

Section 1: No group of men shall ever watch porn in silence....there must always be some sort of commotion or cheering going on. (Drew in Bremerton)

Section 2: BBQ's
• Subsection A: No man shall ever hover over or around another man’s grill unless he’s got a cold beer, or a stack of cheese.
• Subsection B: No man shall “Back Seat” BBQ while another man has been designated the grill master.
• Subsection C: No man shall ever come to a BBQ empty handed (KK in Kent)
• Subsection D: No man shall ever work another man’s BBQ unless specifically asked to. (Alex in Redmond)

Section 3: The Car
• Subsection A:No car art (Miles Montgomery)
• Subsection B: When sitting shotgun never touch the stereo without permission.
• Subsection C: No vomit in the vehicle.
• Subsection D: Never take your shoes off in another mans car without permission.
• Subsection E: When driving, if another driver does you a favor or courtesy, the hand wave is a must. (Garrett)

Section 4: No man should carry a blanket to a football or baseball game unless it is for the woman or child he is with. (Chewey)

Section 5: The Man who owns the house, owns the remote controls to the various electronic components, and can only operate another mans remotes if asked to do so. (Tony V)

Section 6: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked

Section 7: "If" your girlfriend or wife finds your porn, cop to it. In fact be proud. Real men are not ashamed of watching
porn. If your mom finds it, blame someone else. (Jessica)

[Captain SpExtacular]

Article VII – Miscellaneous

Section 1: No man shall give himself a nickname.

Section 2: No woman shall be able to submit a Men’s Room rule. (Still up for debate, send us an email with what you think)

Section 3: No man should ever leave a shopping cart in the middle of a parking lot when the cart return is less then 30 feet from him. (Dylan H.)

Section 4: Don't leave unnecessary voice mails while sober. (The Men’s Room)