How to become more like Chuck Norris

[Morph]

What? I got bored. D:

Rule Number One
To become more like Chuck Norris you need to discover the Path.

Rule Number Two
To discover the Path you must discover it alone.

Rule Number Three
To be aided in discovering the Path you shall forfeit your life. Remember: if you can see Chuck Norris he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Rule Number Four
There is never true proof that you have discovered the Path. The only way to check is to attempt the impossible, and succeed.

That being said, I shall now post some things that people would normally describe as "attempting the impossible", but at which I have succeeded. REMEMBER! Reading this will make it so you have gotten aid in discovery of the Path, and thus your life shall be forfeit. Therefore, this is only for those who have declined to discover the Path, ever, and only seek to satisfy their curiosity with knowledge of the Path.

ATTEMPT AT THE IMPOSSIBLE #1: SLAMMING A REVOLVING DOOR

I walked up to a fancy hotel, the kind that has revolving doors all old-school-like rather than those modern electronic slide doors. With me I took my trusty sidekick Screwdriver. Holding her in my hand, I released the revolving door from its hold and took it with me outside. There, I raised it high above my head, shouted a prayer to the Gods of Awesome, and threw it down on the ground, creating a nice slamming noise.

ATTEMPT AT THE IMPOSSIBLE #2: KNOWING WHERE WALDO IS AT ALL TIMES

Name your brain Waldo. If you don't have a brain, you cannot know anything anyways and there is a very high chance that you are dead.

ATTEMPT AT THE IMPOSSIBLE #3: CURING CANCER

"We all labour against our own cure; for death is the cure of all disease." ~ Thomas Browne. 'Nuff said.

Please do not take too much offense at this one. Especially if you either have cancer or are dead.

More might be added later.

[Paranoid]

rofl, too bad I accepted aid.

[swimstud600]

My buddy made some breakthrough discovery on cancer cells last summer. I don't understand a word in his report but it created a buzz within the scientific community. And he has a mean roundhouse kick. But he's nowhere near badass enough to be like Chuck.

[Morph]

Maybe he stopped trying to discover the Path. :V

I haven't heard much about a breakthrough discovery like that though. I read something about there being an advance in finding a cure for breast cancer being found last August, and something in April 2008, but that's it.