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Post by Xero Bloodline on Mar 26, 2005 14:46:16 GMT -5
Chronicle 8: The Dumbest Stripper on the Planet
That's right, I found her, in lil' old North Carolina I have discovered the dumbest stripper on God's green Earth. Her name is Mistique. Not a typical stripper name, but whatever. The first VIP she sold, it took her 10 whole minutes just to figure out how to open the door. She was on main stage and the music had stopped and my brother had just said, "that's Mistique stepping off the main stage," and what is she doing? Dancing the night away, no music or nothin. Bro finally has to say, "hey, Mistique? You're done, get off the damn stage." When it was her turn on one of the satellite stages (smaller stage on the other side of the room) she stayed up there through her set and 2 others. Apparently the fact that there's no music playing and a DJ talking means nothing to the poor child. Finally, one of my other jobs during the night is to collect the girls' small bills. I take their ones, fives, and 10's and give them 20's in return. That way the club has change and the girls go home with a wad of 20's instead of a wad of ones. Well, poor Mistique likes to blindly stuff all her money in her purse, and everytime I ask her to change in she's too busy, until the end of the night, we're closing up, I have practically no 20's left, and she's gonna wanna spend the next 20 mins unfolding her money to change in, and I'm not gonna have enough 20's for her cause she was too dumb to change in when I had money. She won't even let me help unfold or count her money, she's too paranoid someone might jip her or somethin. When its the end of the night, I don't bulls*** around, I'm ready to go home. And she really puts a kink in that plan.....
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Post by Netzuko Kymera on Mar 28, 2005 12:30:42 GMT -5
Lol ZOMG! This is too cool God, so she keeps dancing after music stops? She is dumb.
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Post by Xero Bloodline on Apr 10, 2005 23:20:53 GMT -5
Chronicle 9: The Night the Lights went out in the Driftwood
One day last week, either Monday or Tuesday, I show up for work at my usual time. As I'm coming down the road, I notice the sign at work isn't lit up. Whatever. I pull up, and before I can get out of the car, my bro walks up, hands me $20 and tells me to go buy as many candles as I can. That's right, the strip club had no power. But does that mean we're close? Hell no. The emergency lights are on, but I'm going to get candles for behind the bar, so we can still sell alcohol. And I'm thinkin, how the hell are the girls gonna dance? What are we gonna do for music? Are me and my bro just gonna sit around playing acoustic guitars and singing for em? (that's a joke btw) When I get back with the candles, we light em up and continue on like nothing's different. We've got everybody in the smaller front room, and the customers and dancers are all just sittin around talking. Well, the bossman is outside with the power company, the bar's still selling beer, there's no VIPs to monitor, so what do I do? Sit down and play my GBA. This goes on for about another 30 mins, then power's back on. Turns out the transformer outside blew. But man, what I would have done to been in that pitch black VIP room when the lights went out, with just me and Missy back there and....um....oops, forgot, children reading. Anyway, just another interesting night at work I suppose.
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Post by Knuckles on Apr 11, 2005 7:33:10 GMT -5
that sounds liek a great job
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Post by Netzuko Kymera on Apr 15, 2005 11:41:18 GMT -5
I wanna have a job like yours
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Post by Xero Bloodline on Apr 30, 2005 4:42:41 GMT -5
Please let me apologize for the lack of Chronicles. You would have had a good one from last Sunday night, but Renegade talked me outta goin to the amateur contest at work. With his persuasion, we decided it wasn't worth a 45-min ride to look at a bunch of amateurs who don't know how to dance. However, my brother went, and his tale of abundant liquor and certain sexual favors proves I should have actually gone. So, I want you all to say thank you to Renegade for us not having a good chronicle this week.
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Post by Netzuko Kymera on Apr 30, 2005 9:49:06 GMT -5
[chants]Death to Renegade,Death to Renegade,Death to Renegade,Death to Renegade,Death to Renegade,Death to Renegade,Death to Renegade,Death to Renegade,Death to Renegade,Death to Renegade,Death to Renegade,Death to Renegade,Death to Renegade,Death to Renegade,Death to Renegade,Death to Renegade,Death to Renegade,[/chants]
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Post by Xero Bloodline on May 9, 2005 11:23:03 GMT -5
Chronicle 10: Go Speed Racer, Go!
Remember the previous chronicle, about the sudden power outtage? Well, that night, our bossman was so busy running around trying to get things working he twisted his knee pretty badly. Came into work for the next 2 weeks with one of those fancy canes you see old people walking around with. (not the walker, the cane) Well, the next time I saw him after that, he was sitting in his office, and beside him was sure enough one of those old-lady walkers. I made a wisecrack about him bein old and gettin rough, turns out I was right. He had walked around on that bad knee so much he completely trashed it and could barely walk at all. Anyway, he told me to sit down and wait, so I could help get the wheelchair out of the ambulance. That's right, an old friend of his brought him a wheelchair. Not just any wheelchair, and old electric wheelchair. And apparently our bossman is a very bad driver, cause the first thing he did when he sat down was run over the other DJ on accident. And that's before he ever got back in the building. The stupid lil thing is fast, one lil touch and its gone 10ft in a second. About 30 mins later, I'm back in the VIP room, and all of a sudden I see the boss barrellin by the door, turns around, and goes into the girls' dressing room. Doesn't let anybody open the door for him, he just goes bustin up in there in his lil electric wheelchair, and in the proccess busts the door off its hinges. And I can't count the number of girls and customers complaining to me about getting hit by this short lil italian guy in a wheelchair. He came in the VIP room a few nights ago, and drove down the aisle between the couches and tried to do a 360. Ever seen the first Austin Powers movie, where he's in that lil cart trying to turn around in that narrow hallway, and keeps hitting the walls on both sides and not going anywhere? Yeah, just like that. Me and the security finally just picked the chair up and turned it so he'd get the hell outta there and the girls could dance. One day I'm gonna go in there while he's not and take the damn battery outta that thing.....
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Hurumi
Member
Member is offline
Kanna, did you just shoot the TV again? -_-;
Posts: 75
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Post by Hurumi on May 9, 2005 11:29:18 GMT -5
Your boss sounds like a pretty ignorant man. xP Did he run into the girl's room on purpose or was it because he couldn't control the chair? And the fact that he got an electric wheelchair..XD those things are awesome. My friend Diana has one that her dad used to use..we get to ride it in it when I go over there. It's fun, it goes forever at a slow speed. Whenever you hit something it dies though. =\
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Post by Knuckles on May 9, 2005 11:58:57 GMT -5
heh lol... gotta try tht one lol j/ks
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Post by Netzuko Kymera on May 14, 2005 16:09:32 GMT -5
Hmmm, makes me wanna go get one of those electric wheel chairs.
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Post by Xero Bloodline on May 19, 2005 4:58:41 GMT -5
I've got a new story to tell, but its not a funny one, its rather serious actually. Bad enough that I rather not post it for everybody to see. If you really wanna know, find me on MSN sometime today and maybe I'll tell you.
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Post by Sonic on May 23, 2005 14:50:52 GMT -5
Hmmm, makes me wanna go get one of those electric wheel chairs. lol imagine if some poor disabled guy was reading all this ;D |
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Post by Xero Bloodline on May 25, 2005 4:15:59 GMT -5
I dunno if this one is technically a "Strip Club" chronicle, but we're goin with it anyway, cause its a great story, just for the title alone.
Chronicle 11: I Had Breakfast with a Porn Star.
Yep, the name says it all. Her name is Crystal Waters. She actually started out working at the Driftwood about 9 or 10 years ago, its her homeclub, so to speak. Its where she got her start dancing, met her husband, and got into the business. Anyway, back to the story. She was passing through town and wanted to say hello to bossman and my brother, as well as anybody else she knew in the club. Well her and her husband came in drunk, drank a bit more while there, then left after hanging out with everyone. Well me and my bro went to go eat after work, and sure enough they were up there eating breakfast as well. So we got to hang out with a porn star and her husband while eating breakfast. She was all touchy-feely too, kept huggin me and leanin up against me. She even ate like half my cheeseburger, and made me try some of her english muffin. *re-reads that* That sounds alot dirtier than it really is....but anyway, when she left, she ran up to the window right beside where we were sitting and flashed us, pressed em right up against the glass. My bro was right, she was cool to hang out with after all.
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Post by Renegade on May 25, 2005 12:44:46 GMT -5
that must've been a good work day for you there bud
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